


hurts like hell

by BestDeadFriendsForever



Series: Accidents Happen [10]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: I'm trans so Buck is too because I said so, M/M, The Buckley Parents suck and you can't convince me otherwise, Trans Evan "Buck" Buckley, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29792688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestDeadFriendsForever/pseuds/BestDeadFriendsForever
Summary: “Everything alright?” Eddie asked and despite the fact that they tried to have professional boundaries at the firehouse, he wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and held Buck securely against his chest.“My parents are here,” Buck muttered and leaned his head back so that it fell onto Eddie’s shoulder.“Okay,” Eddie said and he patted Buck’s chest softly. “And what do you want to do about it?”“It doesn’t really matter what I want, Eds,” Buck said and tilted his head a little. “They’re going to twist my arm into whatever it is they want me to do, just like always.” Buck shrugged.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Accidents Happen [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1713259
Comments: 14
Kudos: 132





	hurts like hell

Buck tried not to pick at his nails as he sat next to Maddie on her and Chim’s couch. After her call, he’d hung around at the station for a little bit, but it was like all the air had been sucked out of the room and he needed to breathe. So he’d gotten the kids all settled and taken them over to Maddie and Chim’s place. Christopher was coloring at the dining room table, and Bobbie was in her car seat not too far off.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” Maddie said quietly, finally breaking the tension that had settled between them. “I don’t even know how they found out but they’re insisting on coming out and I-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Buck said and he settled a hand over Maddie’s. “I know how they can be when they really want something.” His parents weren’t exactly the kind of people to take no for an answer, even after you tried to explain how uncomfortable you were with whatever they were suggesting. They just turned it into a guilt-trip and Buck knew that Maddie was just thinking that it would be easier to not protest. They’d both been like that once upon a time. Buck felt his skin crawling at even the vaguest abstract thought of his childhood.

“You don’t have to see them while they’re here,” Maddie assured him quickly, pulling her hands into her own and giving them a squeeze. “I can make an excuse for you- something about work or-”

“I can handle myself,” Buck said a little defensively. He wasn’t the same scared little boy that needed his big sister to protect him. And the worst part of it was that he knew that Maddie knew that and she was still treating him like a kid anyway. “Just give me a heads up when they get here.” Buck stood up abruptly and gave Maddie a tense smile.

“Buck-” Maddie started but Buck just ignored her.

“Chris, put up your stuff. We better get home if we want to make those chicken fajitas for dinner,” Buck said and sent him a small smile. Christopher nodded and capped his markers before tossing them and his coloring book into his backpack. “Tell Maddie goodbye,” Buck said and bent down so that he could lift Bobbie’s car seat and distract himself from Maddie’s wounded expression. Christopher gave Maddie a hug, which she returned easily, before he walked over to press against Buck’s side. Buck kept up the small, strained smile until they were out of Maddie’s place and the kids were buckled back up into his Jeep.

His hands were a little shaky as he drove all of them home, but he managed it and even managed to keep up a fairly unaffected façade while he and Christopher worked on dinner- Buck having to bounce between dinner preparations and where Bobbie was laying on her stomach on a soft, padded playmat. Buck was impressed with how well she was doing with her coordination skills, though she got fussy when she got tired of being on her stomach and having to try and lift her head to look around. He was so wrapped up in supervising Christopher as he helped cook as well as Bobbie in the living room that he was barely aware of the familiar sound of a key in the door until Christopher’s shout. “Dad!” Christopher grinned brightly and took off towards the door after he’d carefully set down the knife he’d been using to help Buck chop up vegetables. Buck lifted his head and saw Eddie setting down his bag so he could scoop Christopher up and throw him over his shoulder playfully. He rubbed Chris’s back and then lifted his eyes to Buck’s with a slightly worried frown. Buck just forced a wider smile.

Eddie settled Christopher back onto his feet before he just gave Buck a small smile and headed into their room to change out of his uniform and to grab a quick shower. He diverted into the living room and knelt down so he could press a soft kiss against Bobbie’s cheek before going back to his original route and shutting the door softly.

Buck knew that he had just about thirty minutes before Eddie would be out again and asking him questions about what had happened on his phone call and then at Maddie’s. Great.

…..

Eddie could tell that something was off with Buck, but he didn’t want to push- especially not with the kids right in the middle of it. Once he was showered and in comfortable clothes, he went into the living room and lifted Bobbie up into arms. She smiled at him and Eddie felt a warmth settle in his chest at that. She’d been smiling at pretty much everyone for about a week and a half and every time it seemed to light up Eddie’s whole world in the same way Christopher’s smile did.

“Hey,” Eddie said and walked into the kitchen with a small smile at Buck’s distracted circuit around the kitchen as he worked on dinner. He reached out and put a hand onto Buck’s back and he frowned slightly at the tension wound up just underneath Buck’s skin.

“Hey,” Buck said and his voice was clipped and tense.

“Everything alright?” Eddie asked and just watched Buck’s face, though Buck was obviously trying to avoid looking at Eddie at all.

“Yeah,” Buck said as he dumped a handful of vegetables into a pan so that they could cook. “Actually- you know what-” Buck let out a humorless laugh and shook his head. “No. No, it’s not and I just… I just want to scream.” Buck finally looked up and Eddie could see the angry and cornered look in his face.

“Okay,” Eddie said carefully, and he smoothed his thumb over Buck’s back carefully before adjusted his hold on Bobbie. “What can I do?”

“Can you stop my parents from coming?” Buck muttered and Eddie wasn’t exactly sure whether or not he was supposed to hear that.

“Your parents are coming?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah,” Buck said with another angry laugh. “For Maddie. Of _course_.”

Eddie winced a little at that. Eddie fumbled for something to say and he stepped in closer so he could press a kiss against Buck’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, babe,” Eddie murmured quietly.

Buck let out a sigh and nodded. “Yeah… me too.” Buck slipped Bobbie out of Eddie’s arms to rest her against his chest and Eddie just let him. There was something that he couldn’t give Buck that he needed from Bobbie.

“You wanna talk about it? Or do you just want to ignore it for now?” Eddie asked.

“Ignore it. I don’t even want to think about them until I have to. Maddie said she’d give me the heads-up before they showed up.”

“Well if you need anything, you know I’ve got your back,” Eddie said and leaned up to press a kiss against Buck’s jaw softly. Buck’s brittleness seemed to ease a little as he nodded and turned to kiss Eddie properly.

“Yeah, I know.”

…..

Being able to go back to work was both exciting and nerve-wracking. Buck was excited to be back in the field and to be able to go back to doing what he did best, but it would also be the longest he’d been away from Bobbie since she was born. Bobby had put him on light duty for the first couple of shifts just to make sure that he was fighting fit- which he was since the moment he’d been cleared to start working out again he had, while he thought it was amazing what his body had done with making Bobbie that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to be able to feel more like himself again in his own skin- before turning him loose in the field. He just had to keep reminding himself that Carla was with Christopher and Bobbie and that she knew what she was doing, probably more than Buck did himself most of the time.

“How you holdin’ up?” Bobby asked when Buck was restocking the ambulance after they’d gotten back from a minor car accident.

“Good for the most part,” Buck said and then looked around as if he were worried that he was spoiling a secret before leaning in a little. “I miss my kids though.”

Bobby snorted a little and nodded. “It’s normal. They’re only little for so long and you don’t want to miss a second of it.” Buck nodded and finished up packing gauze into its proper place before hopping out and shutting the doors.

“And part of me is worried that something’s going to happen because I’m not there,” Buck shifted uncomfortably and then shook his head. “Nope- Carla’s got this. She is great with both of them and I don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Exactly,” Bobby said and clapped his hand down onto Buck’s shoulder to give him a light shake. Buck grinned a little at that before lifting up the boxes of supplies and heading towards the closet to put them away.

…..

As weeks passed and Buck was put back onto active duty, he was actually starting to think that maybe his parents weren’t going to come after all- maybe they’d forgotten all about their ‘promise’ to come out and see Maddie- but then Maddie was calling him and he felt his stomach filling up with dread as he answered it. “They’re here?” Buck asked without any sort of greeting to preface it.

“They just crossed the state line,” Maddie said and there was a similar apprehension in her voice.

“Great,” Buck muttered and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Thanks for the heads up- I’ll- uh- I’ll call you later to check in, alright?”

“Yeah, of course,” Maddie said and Buck nodded to himself before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.

“Everything alright?” Eddie asked and despite the fact that they tried to have professional boundaries at the firehouse, he wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and held Buck securely against his chest.

“My parents are here,” Buck muttered and leaned his head back so that it fell onto Eddie’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Eddie said and he patted Buck’s chest softly. “And what do you want to do about it?”

“It doesn’t really matter what _I_ want, Eds,” Buck said and tilted his head a little. “They’re going to twist my arm into whatever it is they want me to do, just like always.” Buck shrugged. “So they’re going to see Maddie first and I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what they say to her.”

Eddie hummed and he leaned in even closer so that he could kiss Buck softly to help assuage some of his worries. They broke apart when they heard gagging coming from behind them and they both turned with identical looks of disapproval on their face.

“C’mon guys,” Chimney complained as he carried over a bowl from the kitchen island to the table. “Right in front of my salad?”

Eddie rolled his eyes as Buck flipped Chim off. “Who let Chimney get on the Internet again?” Buck asked and that started off a pretty typical Chim-Buck squabble that ended up in playful shoving and Bobby breaking in with his Resigned Father Voice to tell them to knock it off before one of them landed head-first into the table. It’d only happened once, but once was enough.

Buck’s mood was much better through the rest of their shift and while both he and Eddie were tired from their shift, Buck still had a little bounce in his step as they got home and Carla handed Bobbie off to Buck, their baby girl reaching for them as they walked in. Buck blew a raspberry into her cheek before just holding her close. “Thanks for looking after them, Carla.”

“Of course,” she said and gave Buck’s arm a pat. “That girl is sweet as can be, so anytime you need someone to watch her, you just call me.”

“We appreciate it,” Eddie said and smoothed his hand over Bobbie’s hair to get it away from her eyes. Eddie walked Carla to the door while Buck stepped inside to see what Christopher was up to. Buck could hear Eddie’s voice talking to Carla softly in the entryway, but he focused on where Christopher seemed to be diligently scribbling at something.

“What’re you working on, bud?” Buck asked and sat down on the floor next to where Christopher was sat at the coffee table, shifting Bobbie into his lap so she was propped up against his chest.

“Nothing,” Christopher said quickly and flipped his paper over so that Buck couldn’t see what was on it. Buck frowned a little at that, but he didn’t push. Whatever it was, Christopher would show him whenever he was ready. But it was definitely suspicious.

“Alright then,” Buck said and reached out to brush Christopher’s hair away from his eyes. “You’re going to need a haircut before you go back to school, kid.”

“Can I cut it like yours?” Christopher asked with a bright smile.

“I think we’ll need to ask your dad first,” Buck said.

“Ask me what?” Eddie asked and moved to flop down on the couch. He looked between the pair of them with a fondness that made Buck’s chest get that warm and fuzzy feeling that he only associated with Eddie and the kids.

“About cutting Chris’s hair,” Buck said and ran his fingers through the messy curls. They were starting to get a little shaggy and tangly. “He wants it like mine.”

Eddie frowned in thought and Buck was sure that he was going to say no. Eddie had confessed- though he’d sworn that if Buck ever told anyone, he would deny saying it aloud- that he thought Chris’s curls were sweet and he didn’t mind when it got a little long. “If… if you’re sure, bud…” Eddie was a little hesitant, but Buck could tell it was just his way of trying to let Christopher exert his independence as much as Eddie didn’t want to.

“Yes!” Christopher crowed and he threw his hands up into the air triumphantly. “Can we do it now?” Christopher asked excitedly and looked between Buck and Eddie.

Buck glanced over at Eddie who looked a little stricken but then nodded encouragingly. “Yeah, kid. Let’s do it.” Buck patted Christopher’s knee before lifting Bobbie up and handing her over to where Eddie was sprawled on the couch. “Hold this for me,” Buck teased before leaning down to press a kiss against Eddie’s head.

“I don’t know,” Eddie said and tickled Bobbie’s side. “Might be too hard for me to manage.”

“Figure it out,” Buck said and flicked Eddie’s ear playfully before slipping his arm around Christopher’s shoulder to lead him to the bathroom. “Alright, buddy, let’s do this.” Buck lifted Christopher up to sit on the counter.

“Let’s do this.” Christopher held out his hand for a fist-bump and Buck easily obliged him.

…..

“So,” Eddie said as he wandered out of their bathroom so that he could settle down on his side of their bed. Buck was already laying down and thumbing through Instagram. “You heard anything from Maddie?” Eddie settled and hooked his chin into the crook of Buck’s arm.

“Not yet,” Buck said and he used his other hand to smooth through Eddie’s hair. It was the same smooth but thick texture that Bobbie’s hair was growing out to be. He’d cut Christopher’s hair, but he was sure that he’d be needing to do it for Bobbie soon. Or at least start tying her hair up in those ridiculously small baby hairbands.

“You want me to come with you?” Eddie asked and ducked his head a little to press a kiss against Buck’s arm.

“God no,” Buck said and he scrubbed a hand over his face. “If I can keep you from meeting my parents, I’ll consider that the great accomplishment of my life.” Eddie frowned and Buck winced a little at how harsh that sounded. “I love you,” Buck said and ducked in to kiss Eddie softly before plugging his phone in and tossing it down onto the nightstand. He settled in and then let out a soft breath before closing his eyes tiredly.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to formally say SCREW THE BUCKLEY PARENTS THEY ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST. I wanted to wait until the end of Buck Begins at least before I wrote this part of the installment and then it was going to be WAY too long so I made it two parts.  
> -James


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